Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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