I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
