Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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