And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
