My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
