I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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