mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
