I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
