Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
