I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
