oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
