dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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