omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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