She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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