Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
