I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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