Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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