Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
