I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
