You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
