I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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