I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
