I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
