can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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