im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
