No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
