Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
