I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
