Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
