Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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