yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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