about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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