you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
