carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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