I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
