This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
