you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
