ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
