i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
