I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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