Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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