Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
