I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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