I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
