I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
