Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
barbara walters just said penis...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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