Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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