I think I won the penis lottery.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
third nipple confirmed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
