I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
