Christians are straight up FREAKS
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
