I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
