just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
