I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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