There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
