Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My cat gives me a boner
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
